Virtual love. Private experience

Virtual love...

"Once I had a relationship with a woman who lived in another town. We exchanged a myriad of e-mails. We have even invented a way to go to the movies together. We chose a film that was shown in cinemas in both our cities in the same time. On the way to the movies with her, we chatted on a cell phone. We watched the movie and on the way back again contacted by cell to discuss the film. " To conclude that such virtual rendezvous, which occur more often, become the common lot for the people of the future.

The author of this prediction, capable of causing a chill up the spine, you will definitely know. This is not a young mad recluse, a fan of the internet, dreaming of an ideal society where people will be happier because they will be spared any direct contact. This is one of the most famous people on Earth. Continuing in the evenings their on-line relationship, the day he met with dozens of customers, employees and celebrities in the fact that neither is the real world. The fact that this man ran - and now manages - one of the most powerful companies in the world. This is Bill Gates. In 1999.

Ever since Microsoft cartridge married one of their employees and start a family. Story he tells in his book "The Road to the Future", is silent about whether he knew the young woman physically, tying him with digital relationships. But this story could help provide love coming decades ... according to the most pessimistic of our intellectuals. For example, such as a researcher Philippe Breton. He fears that the Internet, "which is free from physical relations and related inconveniences," favors a new era where the "new social relations will be based on the separation of solids and the collectivization of consciousness." Will the digital generation, or what would follow him, to create a world where you can tie a dating, marriage and having children in the tubes had thus not met.

Internet, the first dating agency world

Do not panic: this is still not reached, and this is hardly ever happens. On the contrary, the Internet now becomes the biggest marriage agency world. The most efficient synthesis in the world. According to the law office of Jupiter, more than 17 million Americans browsed online personals in 2002 and every year in the United States more than one million marriages have become a logical zaverscheniem Idylls, born on the web. Embark on the search soulmates online has become as banal as to look for it in nightclubs or at a party! Evidence for this are many: the newly formed couples create their own sites to tell their story, others would like to thank those who contributed to their meeting. Function of the network becomes matchmaker today - with all of these professionally built by private ads - one of the few "profitable" functions of the Internet.

In essence, the dispute is not necessary: in the beginning of the XXI century, the Internet plays the same role, in which folk dances performed in the first half of XX century. "In our society the opportunity to meet was very little - says Pascal Leleu, author of" Sexuality and the Internet. " - Today, no trace of the ritualism of seduction in specially designated areas. New technologies consistent manner fill this gap. "

Network to the rescue shy, lonely (for those who live in the countryside, or go over to a new place of residence). The Internet also gives a chance for those who suffer from any physical defects. So, Catherine Delafon talks about the case of one patient, who suffered from obesity, which has found a kindred spirit on the Web: "It was a very intelligent, energetic and lively girl who is incredibly resourceful. Talking to the web, she discovered what it is - to seduce a man. Since it has never had such an incident. Because the reporter has never seen her before them did not appear barrier external imperfections, and exchanging letters with her email, he learned to love this girl for her true qualities. " Nobody knows what would have happened if they met in reality, because she will one day cease correspondence with his admirers.

Network prepares teens to call the flesh, not being able to help deal with it. Today's twelve and sixteen years often have the first emotion of love chatting, and these are becoming more and more. In an age when talking about everything is not possible, the Internet, they are exempt from all my fears and inhibitions. Communication is much easier than face to face. "Are not you afraid that you will find jerk, as happens when you try to speak with the girl in the school yard," explains Julien Dero, a tall youth of seventeen years, which, however, does not impress a guy who can sit in the overshoe even electronic form. All the sewn-open.

In fact, according to South Lagrange Sociological Observatory CNRS, use the computer mainly facilitates relationships with boys, girls: "Partner's first kiss is often found in the schoolyard, but in regard to the first intimate relationship, it seldom happens from there. Internet allows you to separate the space and bring together different social strata. " Indeed, at this age the boys are in a state asylum. Entry into sexual life today is not through prostitution, and even more so than through meetings organized by families. "Chat rooms are a means of contributing to the movement towards the female partner, for boys, remote from areas of mixed education, especially for those from poor and those that are forced to walk the path of secondary vocational education - explains the sociologist. - Participation of girls seem to gaming, the participation of boys - more or less instrumentally. Chats are tentative negotiations, in which girls are more likely are in the position of those who dictate their own terms. " Truth to tell, here they represent a distinct minority: According to professionals, participation of females in the chat, regardless of age rarely exceeds 25%. In the words of Jean-Michel Norman, a journalist from the newspaper Le Monde: «In fact, the yield on the scene clearly feminine nickname on the discussion forum produces roughly the same effect, which only recently could make an invasion of the skirt to the barracks."

Frankly speaking, SPK, "eat" through a computer, is becoming increasingly common in any social environment and at any age. This is normal - it is damn effective. "Networking allows you to search in the vast ponds, to meet a lot of people, especially those who are just like you, presumably here to learn - explains Pascal Leleu, author of" Sexuality and the Internet. " - They are getting acquainted much more than it happens at a party. Anyone who says that very late home from work and found a couple of minutes on the web companion, does not lie. The bar for such a scenario would have been unthinkable. Effectiveness is also a member of the technical possibilities offered by the Web: you set the requirements in accordance with their aspirations, so as efficiently as possible to isolate one or the one that you are looking for. This primary selection to avoid wasting time on people who are too far away from you or your ideals. "

Another advantage compared to meetings at clubs or at parties is that the meetings on the Internet can arbitrarily vary the various stages of romantic relationships. Each moves in accordance with its own rhythm. Between the first verbal exchange online and physical meetings can take months of mutual recognition, and neither partner would not be embarrassed or offended by the vibrations of another.

Physical meeting is the priority objective

New technology even more effective in the areas of love relationships than those living more carefully sites try to protect Internet users who seek "the truth" to meet a kindred soul virtual. So, Fabienne Korca and Zhiki Vozhel founded in Paris on love Connection cafe along with dating site with the same title. On a pedestrian street, between the Louvre and the Stock Exchange, is a bistro that looks like the office computer - symmetrical rows of computers and a set of gray metallic tables covered with orange plastic and spectacular flowers poppy. Here, take the candidates on love, which the site is virtually "marries".

The principle is simple: you - one of the 10 million "free the hearts" of France. You connect (from home or through one of the free computer cafe) to loveconnectioncafe.com. You fill in the questionnaire that determines your data and the one of whom you dream. If you are serious and sincere (read: if you do not eat coarse words, if you are over eighteen and you are single, widowed or divorced), your validated data are entered into the database. They "compete" with those of other applicants. Then you get into your personal virtual notebook offers a rendezvous. Of course, the meeting will be held at love Connection cafe ... where you can have a drink or dinner, provided that you will not be too picky: you have little chance to ever meet with a star or go to specialized guides. Purchasing the ticket at least three months, members of the club's cafe had free access to the database, as well as the services of a psychologist on-line and to the horoscope. And if you subscribe zatrebuete special order, in your quest will help you "hunter of the heart."

"Where there is no body, no soul," - said Régis Debray. Traditional dating sites are also seeking solutions to allow their members to contact in the flesh and blood, knowing that the virtual contact is not enough to anyone. Portal Caramail three years organizes a party at Paris Disco: these virtual post-meeting bringing together more than seven hundred thousand people a night! More romantic association Happilol Montpellier offers picnics by the lake. And more and more visitors to chat independently organize dinners and even "common" weekend at a country house one or the other party.

New love of technology is not limited to chat or email. Adolescents and young people SMS, short message on the mobile phone has replaced his friend, whose duties include the transfer of tender epistles loved one. Ideal for communicating with a girl you like a mobile number, which managed to get through its surroundings. This method helps shy not to blush, and removes the embarrassing mistakes. If we believe the operators, JTM (je t'aime - I love you) has become the most common message that gain on your keyboard cell phone!

In Germany progressed even further. Bistro clubs in Leipzig, Nuremberg or Meissen openly exploit this passion to a new generation of SMS and its agility in the transmission of messages: in the evening every Monday the three hundred and first customer bistro for three euros, and are provided with Nokia mobile, self-adhesive badges with a telephone number that is placed on the body so that it was clearly visible. Actually phone function is blocked, and SMS-paid exchanges institution. Some customers are talking the whole evening and not coming up to each other, others go together in minutes. These "Night SMS» allow employers to fill their establishments to the most "dead" night of the week ...

But the peak of SMS - Japan: Tokyo you can find your soul mate in your mobile phone, without even leaving home. The only condition - to have a cell equipped with a camera on the latest fad. In this case it is enough to sign up for a marriage agency, high-tech to connect to its server and to announce their expectations. After that, the screen displayed information about persons, the most relevant criteria: age, height, weight, income, residence, hobbies, and photos. If you choose someone, that person receives your file or not, and agrees to the first voice contact ...

Is it possible to be in love online?

Whatever method is used and what precautions would not take the candidates to explore their high-tech matchmaker, however after the first physical contact all need to start building again from scratch, well, almost everything. First of all, not all candidates are sincere to the extent they believe it. For the logic of efficiency, which is the trump card web, is perverse consequences: habitues develop techniques of seduction online, and searching into a hunt. "The other becomes the prey, this equality is no more - explains Pascal Leleu. - Example: a man says that in a certain phase of dating, he receives 80% of the responses, while at such and such - only 50%. From now on he will use mechanical equipment only this phase. And plunge into a false attitude, functioning egocentric. " The transition probability of line "hunter" to this relationship in this case is minimal.

In the web it is too fast: a simple "HSV?" (Age, gender, city), and is already looming (or it seems that looms) correspondent. Continue straight ahead from the spot pile up mountains of lies, in the course are pictures of two decades ago, and all the misunderstandings multiply. Bertrand J., aka Cool lover, said that he was director of computer science small business, then worked as a simple janitor. He promised the girl from Quebec, which had been in love, to meet with her next summer in Cuba, but to confess to her that he will not have to afford it? Jamel T. Twenty-two years, eventually falling in love with a girl, which corresponded for a year, but does not dare tell her that at the beginning of their acquaintance he had deceived her about her name, address and even the old: "This is a great girl, she is more never believe me. " And now, even though they both live in Paris, he again and again pushes the date of the first meeting.

"Most frustrating when you see a girl, because in a chat room, they all represent that they have the breast size of 95D», - ingenuously acknowledged Julien Dero, a young man who is afraid to sit in the overshoe, he, to whom there is no need to lie about their social background or a circle thorax. But the girls also complain that in this web rarely meet Brad Pitt. As a result, quite often the case that the two who met in a chat room and agreed on a date in a public place, run out, do not even come close to each other. In handsome Julien has his own method to unmask the nature of the girls are not spoiled: they only give your contact information without much persuasion. But to identify young little girls, especially when they prematurely become smarter, not an easy thing!

Internet users in search of true affection, frustrated several broken appointments, however spitting baby with the bathwater. For them, these little inconveniences do not throw any doubt on the enormous advantages of new technologies. Thirty-two Sylvie Montrezor gladly tells about the experiences of their girlfriends, as well as his own: "Even when the guy looks to disappoint you - this is normal, because, of course, he himself is slightly idealized, - as soon as you start to talk with him, it seems that you've known a thousand years. And in general, thanks to the Internet, less judgmental about people by their appearance. My best friend is going to marry a guy from whom would just run away if they met at some party. "

Supporters love online are convinced that the Internet allows you to make the relationship more deeply, is to relieve them of unnecessary rubbish. Exchanges in the Network are often lengthy and frequent, they eat a lot of time, that is required of this commitment. From this sense of close connection. "It's an illusion of intimacy! - Protests Pascal Leleu. - People think that step further and grasped the true essence of their conversation. But this is only an illusion. All that people write about themselves online, reflecting their own opinions about them. Many men said that they were athletes, while they jog three times a year. The woman says that her "seductive forms, and not overweight. They are guided by the logic of desire, which causes them to idealize ourselves. In most cases this is not a deliberate lie. But this liberal interpretation of reality goes much further than in real life: such a hoax would never have been at a party. " However, these ploys did not invent the Internet: such "embellished the truth has always been in vogue in the filed of personals dating in various publications.

"Chatter believe that they are able to subdue love relationships, choosing his companions, and talking about yourself in a free and anonymous manner - continues Philippe Breton. - But written communication offering them an imaginary picture of their interlocutor. And all the work to the recognition of another person, which is based on oral communication, it remains to be done. "

Can you fall in love with someone who has never seen in reality? "Of course not - meet the writer Philippe Sollers. - Being in love through the Internet, it gives kerubinizmom (kerubinizm - on behalf of the infantile, and prone to narcissism's page boy Cherubino, P.-character play on Beaumarchais' The Marriage of Figaro "). "I do not believe you can separate the sensual familiarity (through sight, touch ...) from a meeting of minds - confirms psychoanalyst Helene Vekkyali. - Between the senses should be alchemy, which is associated with the meeting of two unconscious - and how the unconscious can communicate over e-mails? "Under the pretext of learning how to better know each other, Internet users primarily seek to delay the moment of truth, which is a physical clash with another person. "Another person close to - the concentration of all dangers. We are naked and helpless before him. It can detect our weaknesses. Our bodies are saying about us more than any other writings. " In intimate relationships, even if one lies to another, can not lie to yourself: the body - an infallible barometer. "Virtuality saves fantasies and the illusion of satisfaction. Decide on a date - now the most perilous undertaking in the world "- she concludes.

Two Canadians from Montreal, "in love" on the Internet, have seen this first hand. After three months of correspondence and unbridled passion, fueled by mutual epistles, the two fans network is assigned to each other now meeting at the club. Alas! She described herself as Marilyn Monroe in cyberspace, and he - like advanced Tarzan. Who would doubt that in reality turned out to be not so brilliant. Whatever it was, they tried to forget about it. Unable to find a suitable topic for conversation and even less - a passionate kiss, as they did in the mail, they broke up in confusion, immediately after the performance. But the story does not end there. The next day he sent her a message, without mentioning a word about it this evening. She replied, hinting at their previous conversations, as if they had never met. And by mutual tacit agreement, they resumed their virtual love affair.

And what we on the verge of forming generations of lovers of correspondence, such as those the Japanese "otaku" (more on this see Etienne Barral "otaku, children virtuality"), you no longer want to risk by entering into relationships with others? And although it is hard to believe it: a physical encounter nonetheless remains the overriding goal in 99% of relationships that started online.

Virtual for virtual and there

Entry into a contact on the Internet and its transition into a reality are only one form of kiberotnosheny. There is a second: kiberuhazhivanie. She does not even consider the possibility of physical contact: it is about flirting network, which should remain platonic, of virtual novels, halfway between friendship and love. Gossip, flirtation, enough voluntary speech (mainly superotkrovennye) with interlocutors who are changing at the earliest opportunity or at the first disappointment. According to a study conducted by the portal Lycos, three of every four Internet users have used email to exchange affectionate messages, 48% did so directly in the workplace. 12% were carried out for this at least one hour a day.

Writer Gonzaga Saint Bris is convinced that the love letters creates a new young people through a network of networks: "It's not just that the love letter has undergone technological advances - the Internet of the XXI century since its appearance caused him to make a coveted jump. Flirt online, and poetic talk through a keyboard, love on his desk across the screen, the desire to distance marriages without borders, on which sites are being prepared for the ceremony, the sites to meet and chat rooms to talk about it, we are witnessing an incredible worldwide revival of the love letters. Less sophisticated conventions to the letter, more speed in terms of feelings. This is cheaper than a fax, more spontaneous, more natural and much faster than the mail. We can only imagine what the future will advertise the "desire for distance, so cute Honore De Balzac and Evelina Hanska, with their love, a decent book of records (to which the Internet user is incredibly far): Eighteen years of correspondence, sixteen years of waiting, two years happiness and ten months of marriage ...

Cyber-courtship vainly tries to be platonic, the danger exists here. If you treat 55% of Internet users, which support one of the Idylls, where intelligence prevails over sensuality, but finds it impossible to "cheat" your partner, you're going the wrong way. In the United States, lawyers are increasingly confronted with allegations of divorces motivated kiberadyulterom ... There is no need for a private detective to prove that sexual intercourse took place, is not the case. But when a married man or married woman for ten hours a day, "chatitsya" with the opposite sex and forget about their own family and home - "real life" seem too dull, - elimination of the spouse may well feel that he would change.

But the network - is not only the "big masquerade ball, a more efficient catalyst for meetings than ads in newspapers, and a favorite media for love flirting. It also helps - the cook - make the separation more tolerable for the already existing pairs. He should spend a year on a business trip in Saudi Arabia or on the Kamchatka Peninsula, it remains in France, where should finish his studies (or raising children), in short, they may see only occasionally, at long intervals. With the help of the Internet, they can in great detail to tell each other their lives. "Steve is working in the field of telecommunications, and three weeks out of five moved from one big construction site to another - says Anna (thirty-two years, two polutoragodovalyh twin). - At this time, we talk every night for at least an hour, as soon as the kids go to bed. I'm not sure that many couples living together, talking as much! "

We are told that a few years it will be possible to supplement this purely headache love these electronic love pranks. And to be precise: to make love online. With the help of a special haptic device, special gloves and high-speed connection. In June 1993, one American paper already anticipated the possibility of digital love. Fulvio Caccia told about this in his essay on cyber sex, published in 1995, when the Internet in France was still in the bud: "On the cover of the second issue of Future Sex, a monthly magazine devoted to new forms of sexuality, introduced virtual reality, cheer, and a couple in thongs in a bikini, properly equipped helmets and gloves, indulges the pleasures of love through a digital game console. Their shirts are made of synthetic fabrics that can give the same "touch" as the skin. Complement the arsenal of the well-known "data glove", gloves, transmit tactile sensations, videoshlem equipped with stereoscopic displays, liquid crystal, stereo headphones, auxiliary control devices and G, specifically designed to stimulate the male erogenous zones. "

This article was humorous and model - just a gimmick, but a lot of feathers were broken. "Of course, no need to talk before, during and after - wrote the New York Times. - And of course, do not serve coffee in the morning in bed and call a taxi. " "Thousands of Americans are dreaming to solve such a way - concludes Fulvio Caccia - erotic frustration of years of AIDS. For the virtual world everything is possible - from group sex with Sharon Stone and Sylvester Stallone to sadomasochistic session with a partner, remote from you on 10 000 miles ... "Today, these devices do not exist, it seems they have not yet quite ready. But the imagination of entrepreneurs with no honor and conscience is boundless, and already you can buy online amazing machines for the virtual fellatio! Nevertheless difficult to believe that we are not talking simply about dutom phenomenon and that these gadgets will replace once the happiness "of this" merger goes beyond the boundaries of masturbation.

New eldorado porn

However, cyber sex did not wait for a magical jumpsuit - he already exists. This time it's not an improved version of a marriage agency, but a new, Spouting sexual practices. After the revolution, made possible by radio and television, the Internet now allows interactivity. Last metamorphosis pornography, «live-shows» (live shows), is a striptease in a literal sense, where the actress could engage in dialogue with Internet users. Between the latter and the creation of which undresses on a computer screen, the communication, however, one-sided: she must only respond to the fantasies of men who do not deprive myself of pleasure to give her the necessary instructions.

In order to realize their secret desires, they paid as a vulgar peep shows. Or your credit card, or by agreeing that the connection will be paid as a surcharge. Fifteen years after the birth of telematics, "Pink sites" has once again proved that sex is one of the rare species of a virtual business that can quickly become profitable. Even if some enterprises in the sector have already been mastodons before investing in the cyberworld, in order to start its activities, does not need to be prepared to exercise strong cash infusion. At the bottom of the pyramid are the "webmasters", mostly students who earn pocket money by their Internet sites. Their recipe is simple: they enter into a partnership agreement with professional porn online and attract thirsty for free users of the Internet photos, which are supplied by entrepreneurs from porn. As more users access the site partner, the more money you will earn the young "webmaster": "they create traffic." Their average income is between 300 and 2000 euros per month. Of course, the most inventive can do much more.

Extremely secretive when it comes to the economic side of its activities, a sector on-line sex never does not advertise its financial performance on a global scale. It is also difficult to know how high the income of individual entrepreneurs of this kind. But, according to some estimates, all misty assemblage sex sites account for almost half of world Internet traffic! More specifically, it's not a secret that the word "sex" request in the search engines most often - even if "mpZ", a musical format that is used to stream music over the wire, it can sometimes steal his palm. In 2001, when the search engine Nomade published its list of the leaders among the most frequent requests, the most replicated media information was about the amazing success of the show "Behind Glass", the runner-up. Journalists have not even talked about the number one, it was obvious to everyone!

Internet users not only frequently sought by pornographic images (from 30 to 60%, according to experts), but in addition, some are willing to pay to get them. While all other sectors of e-commerce with great difficulty convincing your visitors to tell them their credit card number, pornography in 2000 reached a turnover of 2.7 billion euros (Europe and the United States, according to Datamonitor and Forrester Research). In 2003, he was supposed to reach 3.7 billion. As a comparison, the sector of online tourism, presented as one of the rare eldorado web, pulling in France in 2001 at 775 million euros.

Here it comes, not only young people and, perhaps, not so much her. Even if a composite picture of the consumer Internet user online sex differences on both sides of the Atlantic, he was everywhere for the most part is a male (80%). Its average age of more than forty years in the United States, where his income is higher (on average 60,000 dollars a year). This well-illustrated by the fact that he spends on the Internet more than other Americans. In France, a country traditionally more reserved with regard to new technologies, the young are relatively better: according to Forrester, in March 2001, 30.3% of youth aged 15 to 24 years have already visited sites related to sex, against 19,8% men aged 50 to 64 years. But young people lose the older generation of connection time (32 minutes vs. 61).

Like other mass media, Internet devalue the image of women

What are the possible consequences for the personality and sexuality of future adults, this easy access to pictures, which previously had to fish out in magazines, pornokinoteatrah or video clubs? Network, of course, a side element of the debate: Pornography existed before, it is on television it has become abundant and readily available. As far as the Internet allows a new style of communication, correspondence or games, just as the sex sites are not "revolutionary", they do not play a key role in the mental maturity of a new generation. Of course, they contribute to "desacralization" sexual relationship and devaluing the image of women, but their marginal contribution is put into a more global context. Television, film, advertising, all the media environment in general, have never ceased to create the image of women through the eyes of macho. Digital generation has reached adulthood, will probably have the opposite sex relations, different from those that were in the previous one, but the network may be responsible for this is only partly true. From the postwar cowboy movies, where beauty pursued by John Wayne, saying "no" but thought "yes" and "surrendered" to the first, a little violent kiss, expensive advertising campaigns to fashion brands in the style of "porn chic" in recent years, this phenomenon only worse.

Those who want to know whether the Internet world of magic where anything is possible, where it is easy to find your soul mate at the other end of the Earth, or, conversely, is an unhealthy shelter for the disfranchised, which embody their fantasies at a distance, sociologists of new technologies meet: probably both. But one can say with confidence: The Internet creates a pair. Of course, it allows you to communicate with another person, doing everything to avoid it. Of course, it offers a "light-socialization" and "replacement of these relations, but it is equally increases the number of such contacts. Ghost of a lover's society, a 100% virtual, prepared for our descendants will remain exactly - what a relief! - A hypothesis in its pure form. Forever.

Source: K. Kerdellan and G. Greziyon "Children of the CPU"